Enabling Versus Love Families And Addiction

How far would you go the help a loved one? Does unconditional mean that you can let your loved one walk all over you, particularly a loved one who is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction?  While you may or may not know it, your actions as a relative that you construe as love and dedication may very well be in fact facilitating their continued addiction. If you're uncertain of where the distinction lies, take a look at the terms listed below and see if they relate to what you may believe to be acts of love rather than enabling.

Cover up   – This typically involves coming up with excuses, alibis and helping an addict by taking care of their responsibilities instead of allowing them to own up to them.

Rationalization – When you come up with reason after reason why an individual is an addict or why it's acceptable that they have become an addict. It's usually connects with phrases like this, "It really started when he/she was young -- that's how it started."

Withdrawal – When you decide that it would much easier to avoid your relative or loved one in hopes of making them see why you're avoiding them. This only perpetuates the addiction.

Blame -- Instead of understanding you get angry at your loved one for not trying hard enough to control his or her use and tell them it's all their fault.

Control -- Basically you deciding in your own form of therapy where you then assume responsibility for the person's addiction by disposing his or her drugs or cutting off their supply.

Threat/Tough Love -- Issuing ultimatums or statements like "You'll go to jail or I'll stop giving you money" if he or she can't control their addiction. Of course the irony is that these threats are never followed to completion when the individual continues his or her abuse.

Enabling Is Easy -- Learning How Not To Enable Is A Challenge

We all feel that need out of frustration and helplessness, fear, guilt and shame. We want to rescue the addict and do what we can to stop them from abusing. Unfortunately in doing so, families inadvertently help to perpetuate the abuse. Enabling makes recovery for the individual very difficult because it supports the person in continuing their addiction. The average person who is working toward getting healthier will actually need some help from time to time. That kind of help should come in the form of positive attitudes and being supportive. What enabling does is it helps that individual continue on a path to self destruction and it is not support.  It's also not love. Learning how to make that distinction is just as difficult for families as the recovery process can be for the addict. Mark Houston Recovery is here to help both the individual and the family because we know how important families will be to their recovery after they leave our recovery center and for their continued care plan. Working together, we can all be a vital part to an individual's recovery.