Families and Recovery: Some Words Of Advice

Mark Houston Recovery knows how hard it is for families to deal with a family member suffering from addiction. Often times they feel powerless or conversely do things to help which may in fact not help at all. Here are some things you should keep in mind before placing too much blame on something you may have or have not done.

• You did not cause your child/children to become alcoholics or addicts.
• There is enough proof medically and scientifically to show that addiction is a disease. Addiction and alcoholism is not caused by environmental factors.
• A person does not become an addict or alcoholic because of being in a dysfunctional family. Emotional wounds provide the reasons to drink or use or the fuel but are not the cause.
•  In reality we were all wounded at some point and time in our childhood because our parents and their parents were as well. Ultimately that is not the main reason your child becomes an addict.
• As long as you hold on to guilt and shame, it means that on some level you believe you had the power to make a difference. You think that maybe if you would have just parented  a little differently, if you had or had not done some thing or the right thing  then you could have controlled the events the lead to your child's addiction. The truth is -- you couldn't have.
• You need to grieve for the past and for how we may have abandoned and abused ourselves.  You need to take hold of that sadness but you also need to stop blaming yourself.
• You did not have the power to do it any differently.

You Are Not The Main Cause Of Addiction

Taking the blame for the addiction will not help your child recover from his or her addiction. Yes there may be some truth to your behaviors as a parent wounding your child but you were doing the best you can based on the tools you had and the rearing you may have or not had as a child. So yes you do have some responsibility for the emotional wounding of your child. This is not the same as taking the blame for their eventual addiction or alcoholism. The moment you as a parent give power to the blaming and guilt you are provoked to feel because of what has happened is the moment you create an unhealthy relationship with your child. The best thing you can do as parent during the recovery period is to learn to love yourself and focus on your recovery from your own codependency. Mark Houston Recovery wants you to know we are there for you much like you want to be there for your child. Together we can help your child or loved one get back on the road to recovery.